Lessons from the treadwall

One of my favorite parts of my job is helping the kids climb the treadwall. It's basically a rock wall that moves like a lateral treadmill. My job is to stand on the side and turn the knob to faster or slower. The kids love it and some won't come off until I have to pull them off myself. One of the reasons they love it though is because I can make it go really really fast or I can slow it down. Today, I found myself repeating the same words over and over to each kid though. Most of them step on and look at me saying, "It's not moving! Why isn't this working?" I have to explain to them that I can't start the wall moving until they start climbing. So I just look at them and say, "Just keep climbing." I had to tell almost every child that today...that in order for me to do my job and make the wall move for them, they are the ones who have to keep climbing. 

At some point during my time at the treadwall today, I realized that the whole situation is so similar to my own life. My treadwall is life though, a daring adventure that's exciting and fun. I step on, ready for the challenge, and I look at God and say, "Why aren't You working? Aren't you supposed to tell me what to do and where to go? Get moving God!" It's like I sit there at the bottom and wait for God to make decisions for me and open up the skies and write on the wall. But lately I've been hearing Him whisper,"Jill, just keep climbing." Hopefully I'll catch on, one step at a time, so He doesn't have to repeat it over and over. 

big DREAMS

PHASE 1: seeing happy little families live for Jesus and wanting that for myself. 

Sometimes I get a little upset that God has put a desire in my heart to do big, unreasonable things for Him. The American dream seems so easy and fun. Wouldn't it be acceptable to live that kind of life for Christ? I mean, I'd go to church every Sunday and impact others in whatever job I had. I could marry a man who has a basic understand of His Word; enough to know that he should cherish me and lead our relationship. I could raise a cute little family, send them to a Christian school, go to all their sporting events, etc. I actually know lots of people who are doing that, and they're so good at it. Their lives are honoring to the Lord and it's a beautiful thing. So why in the world does my heart long for something more? 

PHASE 2: Learning that love does.

I started reading a book this week that I knew would change my life. I was so excited to buy it then I was actually apprehensive to start it because I knew it would ignite those dreams of mine again. I would read a chapter then set it down, not wanting to keep reading. But that heart of mine (& the Holy Spirit) kept pushing me to turn the pages, begging for me to take hold of my dreams and make them come to life. The introduction actually said that the author of the book was known for wrecking your American dream and helping you find your actual dream. Ok, God, I get it. The book is entitled Love Does and it is written by an eclectic west coast lawyer who never settled for the American dream. I'd love to explain the book to you but I just wouldn't even know where to begin. I've actually only made it through the ninth chapter (out of 31) and I'm already compelled to write this post...if that tells you anything of how much I've learned already. Let's suffice it to say that you should buy it, read it, take notes on it, embrace it, then change because of it. 

PHASE 3: Understanding that I have no choice.  

Yesterday I went to a church where the pastor was starting a new series on the book of Romans. He started out in the the first verse of the first chapter explaining what Paul meant when he said he was a bondservant, or slave, of Christ Jesus. The pastor explained it like this: a slave by definition is someone who is wholly subject to another, being forced to do something and having no choice to do otherwise. I realized that in the same way, I am subject to Christ and I must do what He wants me to do. Because He chose me and changed me, I am His servant and I cannot quit doing what He has for me. To chose to lay aside the dreams He has placed in my heart would not only mean leaving Christ behind, but it would also mean losing myself. And when I doubt if it's the right thing to do, I am reminded that as long as His name and His renown are the desires of my soul (Isaiah 26:8), He'll honor my decisions. In his book, Bob Goff reminded me that "maybe when we want to do something that is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him."

Practically, I'm not sure what this looks like in my immediate future. I know that I wanna love big and save lives and use my relationships to show the world a little of what Jesus loving me is like. I'll be student teaching come August, but come December the world will be at my fingertips. I'm realizing that I'm not scared to go far, start big, or even fail a few times along the way. I am confident that my heart longs, and even aches, to fail at His dreams for me rather than to succeed at the ones I dreamed for myself.

I will go forward alone with my God, leaving all else behind. I will not lose sight of my dreams or of my Savior, because if I lose sight of my Savior, I will, in turn, lose myself.