Lessons from the treadwall

One of my favorite parts of my job is helping the kids climb the treadwall. It's basically a rock wall that moves like a lateral treadmill. My job is to stand on the side and turn the knob to faster or slower. The kids love it and some won't come off until I have to pull them off myself. One of the reasons they love it though is because I can make it go really really fast or I can slow it down. Today, I found myself repeating the same words over and over to each kid though. Most of them step on and look at me saying, "It's not moving! Why isn't this working?" I have to explain to them that I can't start the wall moving until they start climbing. So I just look at them and say, "Just keep climbing." I had to tell almost every child that today...that in order for me to do my job and make the wall move for them, they are the ones who have to keep climbing. 

At some point during my time at the treadwall today, I realized that the whole situation is so similar to my own life. My treadwall is life though, a daring adventure that's exciting and fun. I step on, ready for the challenge, and I look at God and say, "Why aren't You working? Aren't you supposed to tell me what to do and where to go? Get moving God!" It's like I sit there at the bottom and wait for God to make decisions for me and open up the skies and write on the wall. But lately I've been hearing Him whisper,"Jill, just keep climbing." Hopefully I'll catch on, one step at a time, so He doesn't have to repeat it over and over. 

big DREAMS

PHASE 1: seeing happy little families live for Jesus and wanting that for myself. 

Sometimes I get a little upset that God has put a desire in my heart to do big, unreasonable things for Him. The American dream seems so easy and fun. Wouldn't it be acceptable to live that kind of life for Christ? I mean, I'd go to church every Sunday and impact others in whatever job I had. I could marry a man who has a basic understand of His Word; enough to know that he should cherish me and lead our relationship. I could raise a cute little family, send them to a Christian school, go to all their sporting events, etc. I actually know lots of people who are doing that, and they're so good at it. Their lives are honoring to the Lord and it's a beautiful thing. So why in the world does my heart long for something more? 

PHASE 2: Learning that love does.

I started reading a book this week that I knew would change my life. I was so excited to buy it then I was actually apprehensive to start it because I knew it would ignite those dreams of mine again. I would read a chapter then set it down, not wanting to keep reading. But that heart of mine (& the Holy Spirit) kept pushing me to turn the pages, begging for me to take hold of my dreams and make them come to life. The introduction actually said that the author of the book was known for wrecking your American dream and helping you find your actual dream. Ok, God, I get it. The book is entitled Love Does and it is written by an eclectic west coast lawyer who never settled for the American dream. I'd love to explain the book to you but I just wouldn't even know where to begin. I've actually only made it through the ninth chapter (out of 31) and I'm already compelled to write this post...if that tells you anything of how much I've learned already. Let's suffice it to say that you should buy it, read it, take notes on it, embrace it, then change because of it. 

PHASE 3: Understanding that I have no choice.  

Yesterday I went to a church where the pastor was starting a new series on the book of Romans. He started out in the the first verse of the first chapter explaining what Paul meant when he said he was a bondservant, or slave, of Christ Jesus. The pastor explained it like this: a slave by definition is someone who is wholly subject to another, being forced to do something and having no choice to do otherwise. I realized that in the same way, I am subject to Christ and I must do what He wants me to do. Because He chose me and changed me, I am His servant and I cannot quit doing what He has for me. To chose to lay aside the dreams He has placed in my heart would not only mean leaving Christ behind, but it would also mean losing myself. And when I doubt if it's the right thing to do, I am reminded that as long as His name and His renown are the desires of my soul (Isaiah 26:8), He'll honor my decisions. In his book, Bob Goff reminded me that "maybe when we want to do something that is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him."

Practically, I'm not sure what this looks like in my immediate future. I know that I wanna love big and save lives and use my relationships to show the world a little of what Jesus loving me is like. I'll be student teaching come August, but come December the world will be at my fingertips. I'm realizing that I'm not scared to go far, start big, or even fail a few times along the way. I am confident that my heart longs, and even aches, to fail at His dreams for me rather than to succeed at the ones I dreamed for myself.

I will go forward alone with my God, leaving all else behind. I will not lose sight of my dreams or of my Savior, because if I lose sight of my Savior, I will, in turn, lose myself. 

like a sponge

i'm soaking it all in.
Graduation is a short 25 days away and I was overwhelmed today by the inevitable...i'm gonna miss this place. So much so, Erin and I stayed after class sorting through boxes and boxes of PE equipment and taking orders from Dr. Farver...willingly! As bad as my head hurt from that polyurethane on the new floor and as hungry as I was from not eating lunch, we stayed until almost every box was emptied and flattened. And I hope I never forget it. The excitement of a new gym to teach in, the things we learned about what NOT to do when designing a new facility, the way Dr. Farver taught me how to tie a slip knot in all the drawstring bags, & the funny looks we gave each other when we couldn't even figure out what a lot of the equipment was supposed to be.

I have the best major. Most people think it's a joke. But the fact that obesity is an epidemic in our country is not a joke. The statistics saying that 1 in 3 girls will become pregnant before age 20 is not a joke. Teaching health and physical education to students is my passion, and I'm thankful for professors who have fueled that passion. I'm graduating from Liberty University in 25 days not just with a diploma, but with a family. People who were strangers 3 short years ago have become so precious to me.

So in the next few weeks if you see me out in the courtyard just staring off into space or sitting in "Schilling TWO" not doing a thing or taking pictures of random stuff on campus, don't worry...I'm just soaking it all in.

faith

I've been learning so much about faith recently. It's not a new concept to me, but I think I've only come to understand more of what it means in the last month or so. And let me tell you what, it's HARD. When I used to think of the word 'faith' i would picture it on a garden stone with flowers & butterflies, so sweet and innocent...something like the picture.

 But when I think about it now I envision something like the Criminal Minds episode where a bomb is strapped to a guy and he's just sitting there, sweating profusely, waiting as the seconds tick by, and Gideon has to choose at the last second whether to cut the blue or red cord. I only see that now because I've had a few...& continue to have...moments when I feel like the guy in the chair, nervous as all get out, most likely crying (cause i'm a girl & i'm emotional), afraid that my world is gonna blow up right in my face. But faith is having the confidence that God has a plan all along, whether the bomb goes off or not. And He doesn't even have to guess what to do next. He had it planned long before I even feel the bomb strapped onto me. 

*Faith is not just sitting, frozen in the chair, waiting though. It's helping the bomb squad figure out the right combination and asking for someone to call your boss and tell him you'll be a little late to work. God doesn't work on behalf of quitters, He works alongside those who won't quit...showing up in His own perfect timing.

I heard a couple weeks ago that faith is putting God in every fill-in-the-blank. In the margins of where I was taking notes I realized how true that was. This is what i wrote:

in a year from now, my...

home:____________________

lover:______________________

job:________________________

desires:______________________

I can't fill in any of the blanks. As a matter of fact, my top 3 choices would probably all end up being wrong. But He is all of those. I've heard home is where the heart is, so whenever I'm close with Him my heart will feel at home. He is my faithful lover, the only person who'll perfectly love me for my whole life. Whatever job I have, I'll do it for Him. And my heart will always desire more of Him. He knows all the other minor details. So in the mean time, I'm satisfied with just putting Him in all my blanks, having confidence that He'll come through whenever He wants. After all, I would hate for my life to be like the garden stone. I'd much rather my life resemble the adrenaline-releasing, potential explosiveness of bombs.

Maui on my mind

I've been thinking a lot lately about the whole reason I started this blog. And it's because of an island thousands of miles away. I started this to share my journey with you. And it's changed my life.

My heart has been stuck on that small island and the people who live there. So I thought I'd take some time to remind you (and me) about my trip and all that God taught me then and continues to teach me...

But how can people call for help if they don't know who to trust? And how can they know who to trust if they haven't heard of the One who can be trusted? And how can they hear if nobody tells them? And how is anyone going to tell them, unless someone is sent to do it? That's why Scripture exclaims, 

   A sight to take your breath away! 
   Grand processions of people 
      telling all the good things of God!

Romans 10:14&15

there IS such a thing as a moonbow!!

But we must always remember that there is no such thing as moonlight. It's just the Sun reflecting off the Moon. Louie Giglio explains this in his amazing book "Indescribable:"

"Just as the Sun shines at night when the Moon is in the right place, God shines in the darkness when we are in the right place. When we are in full view of Jesus, His love, grace, goodness, and power directly impact us. In that place, in the brightness of His presence, His light will reflect off us so others can see, no matter how dark the night. It's amazing to think that, simply by our proximity to Jesus, we can bring hope and life to people and places trapped in discouragement and despair."

God's still in the business of changing lives. 

Our team didn't come together until we shared our testimonies. Not til we disclosed our weaknesses did we really bond. And how hard it is to be vulnerable. But here is Maggie, sharing her testimony (in front of a lot of people!). Not because she is good or perfect, but because He changed her. 

And in Revelation 12 John is explaining what he saw and it is exclaimed in verse 11 that the Devil is overcome . He is overcome because the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony. Everyone has a story to tell and if He has changed you, there is power in your story. Don't ever stop telling it!

His plan is perfect. 

We were brought together for such a time as this.

7 people. 

We don't always understand why or how. 

But His plan is greater & bigger than we could ever imagine.

So don't take the people in your life for granted.

Learn from them & love them.

We're not supposed to do life alone.

And the most important thing is...we are not finished. This is just the beginning. And maybe, just maybe, revival is closer than we think.

Love unspoken isn't love at all

I've been learning a lot about love lately. I must admit, it's odd to keep thinking about love when it's Thanksgiving/Christmas time. I mean isn't this supposed to be a time of thankfulness and remembering that Jesus was born in a manger? But with each instance, experience, and story I'm overwhelmed with love. Today at Blue Ridge our pastor talked about love and how in Revelation 2 the church at Ephesus was confronted about abandoning their first love. And as I sat there at the end of the service writing my love note to God on my little card I was truly reminded about how much I love Him. I had the urge to write 'I love God' everywhere! But daggone it, there's not a more cliché statement in the Christian repertoire of sayings. I think it's because love is kinda sad in our society...it doesn't work and it's weak. Writing 'I love [insert Drake, sappy Christmas movie, or favorite food]' is lame, let's be honest. But love, real love, is powerful. It is deep and moving. It causes us to do crazy things. It begs us to recklessly abandon ourselves. It shatters comfort zones. It is wild and explosive. It is all-consuming and uncontrollable and relentless. And I love Him. I want all of those things to describe my relationship with the One I love. And I want everyone to know I'm crazy about Him. Because believe me, if I was in love with a guy...I'd tell the world. It'd be a big deal.

So here's to saying 'I love You' every night before I fall asleep. Here's to thinking about Him all the time and talking about Him whenever I get the chance (thank you, Tim Tebow, for talking about this on national television. Missed it? ...click here to watch!). Here's to writing Him love notes when I'm bored in class and talking to Him when I'm in between classes and taking study breaks just to spend time with Him. He is the One I love, the One I'm crazy about. Call me weird, but I just simply cannot help but talk about it. 
Because love unspoken just isn't really love at all now is it?

i ain't tryna get in Yo way

Therefore, if God gave them the same gift that He gave to us 

when we believed on the Lord Jesus Christ, 

how could I possibly hinder God? 

When they heard this they became silent. 

Then they glorified God saying, 

"So God has granted repentance resulting in life to even the Gentiles!" 

Acts 11:17&18

I read this as I was having "fresh bread" for breakfast with Jesus this morning. I've been praying for a renewed passion for His Word after going through a series about the importance of the Bible at church. I've always had a Bible and have worn out at least one. I know that it's important but I just haven't been digging into it like I should. So I decided to start reading it in a way as to just learn more about Him. Not to memorize it for when I get in a bad situation or to be able to answer the Sunday School questions from friends. So as always, He is faithful and shows up on day ONE. I'm reading through Acts (one of my favorite books) and I just read about Saul's conversion which is one of the most exciting passages for me. If only our eyes would be open to God doing that now. Anyways, the passage above is about Peter going to Cornelius and declaring that salvation is for the Gentiles...what a HUGE thing! But v. 1 starts out by saying the other Christians in the region were confused. They couldn't believe that Peter would go to even eat with those people because that wasn't allowed. So Peter is having to explain to them why he went to them and he ends with the verses above. The part that hit me hard was him saying, "...how could I possibly hinder God?" As a Gentile, I'm glad Peter didn't try to hinder God (I'm confident that God's plan for the Gentiles to receive salvation would have still happened but we have no clue how that would have played out). There are times when I feel like I try to hinder God. I try to get in His way because I'm afraid to trust Him. Sometimes I think I won't like the outcome. Or maybe some of the people around me will get hurt. But I want to be more like Peter. I want to get to the point where I say, "how could I possibly hinder God?" Because He is teaching me that His timing is perfect. He cherishes and completes me. And simply because of His nature I am compelled to say how could I NOT let Him do His thing?? And maybe the results of that will be far greater than I could ever imagine.