the story of how Jake & Jill made it to FOREVER...

Our grandparents knew each other. Our parents grew up together. 
He remembers me on a little tricycle.
I remember him playing volleyball.
Basically, we've known each other our whole lives.

Jake is a few years older than me so he just saw me as another little kid...until I got to high school. He came to the beach with my family the summer before I graduated from high school and we had a lot of fun. That summer we watched the X Games and scrubbed huge gasoline tanks and realized we really liked being around each other. In January of 2009, I went to college and we enjoyed talking on the phone and hanging out whenever we could. By the end of that semester though, our relationship had fizzled out. We never really made a decision to stop hanging out and being together. It was just a natural separation that happened because we were 3 hours apart; he had finished college and I was just beginning. It was good for both of us and we were OK with that. 

Over the next two years we saw each other occasionally, acted like we couldn't stand each other, & sneaked a kiss here and there. He'd always stop by when he was in Lynchburg. I'd see him every summer. He wanted to get back together. I was still loving college and meeting new people...so I didn't. 

Until the summer of 2011. Something clicked and I realized that I loved the boy & there wasn't a single guy out there that I'd rather be with than Jacob. And that was also the summer he started a relationship with another girl and told me that he was choosing her over me. So the summer I realized I loved Jacob was the summer my heart was broken into a million pieces. I'd never known what that was like before but it was physically painful and mentally draining and just straight up awful. I'd see him a few times over the next two years but I did my best to avoid him, knowing what would happen to my heart.

I tried to talk to him, tell him how I felt. But he refused. He was in love with someone else. So I moved on as well. I dated for fun, tried dating one of my best friends, then I met a man and fell hard super fast. He was nothing like Jacob. I never even mentioned Jacob to him because I wanted that all to be forgotten. It was no use to bring up those feelings and the story when we were both in love with other people. I got engaged...planned to spend my life with someone so unlike Jacob.

Then one Monday, 12 days before my wedding, Jacob showed up at my house. He was nervous and I was confused. He'd broken up with his girlfriend. He told me about it. Explained to me that at first it was easy to forget about me but as time went on I still kept coming up. In memories, in songs, in seeing mutual friends. I was about to marry someone I'd known for 7 months. Jacob shared his experience saying that after being married for 2 years how awful it would be if he was the one still in all my thoughts. 

We thought we could choose to love other people. We tried & we did. We fell in love with great people and had great relationships with those people. But when it came down to it, we couldn't get over each other. Jacob had wanted to, fell in love, had the longest relationship of his life. I hadn't wanted to, moved on reluctantly, and was pleasantly surprised when I was able to love another man so deeply. 

Looking back, we don't know why things happened the way they did. We understand that we made choices and we live with the consequences. We had to break the hearts of two people we loved and that was one of the hardest things we've ever done. We had to take a chance on each other because it had been years since we had actually spent time together. Our desire to be together could have just been fantasies in our heads, maybe we weren't as compatible as we had imagined all those years. 

We took the advice of our families and friends and spent the next 7 months getting to know each other and spending as much time together as we could. Through tough times and confusion and frustration we have found joy and happiness and fun unlike any we knew before choosing each other. We have fallen more in love than we ever could have imagined and we are crazy about each other like we didn't think possible. 

That is why Jacob Alan Trout took me to The Greenbrier for dinner, laughed with me, took pictures with me, and sat with me on the tailgate of his truck out in front of the resort. That is why he pulled out a rose, kissed me, got down on one knee, and pulled out a little black box from his coat pocket. Though it was 6 years in the making, it was perfect timing and I couldn't have written it any better. I said YES, and agreed to the most unpredictable future with my best friend by my side. 

Even after all that, I can honestly say that I don't understand love. It's confusing and messy and wild and risky. What I do know is this, I can love only because Jesus first loved me. He is my Rock and He is always working for my good and His glory. He's the only One worth clinging to. Having my heart broken by the man who will vow to love me for eternity just reminds me to hold so lightly to this world. 

This, dear friends, is not the end of my story but the beginning. Now life begins with the one who my heart was made to love. I hope it encourages you to not give up on love, to trust your heart, to be willing to risk everything if necessary. And above all, to put your faith in a God who is sovereign. I tell ya, His plans are way better than yours & mine. His ways are so much higher and we can hardly wrap our tiny brains around all that He has planned for us. That's why with Him, every day is truly an adventure...

Hungry Mother State Park- January 2009

  Snow day in Marion- February 2009

GBYC- summer 2011

Dillwyn- September 2013

Kings Dominion- October 2013

 R.T.Rogers Christmas Dinner- December 2013 

 Valentines Day- February 2014

It's Bristol Baby- March 2014

the proposal- March 2014

Chief

I don't know exactly why we started describing words as empty, but I am convinced we can do so only because of the fall. sin. the flesh. Our mouths have the ability to say whatever we want. The tongue- it's untamable (James 3:8). And our bodies are unable to back it up. I come home at night and wonder how many things I said today that were empty; flat. 

"I'll call you tonight."

"We'll get to that later."

"I'm praying for you."

"You can do it tomorrow."

"I'll come visit soon."

Sometimes I forget. Other times I just change my mind. Life gets in the way of some of my words. Whatever the case, empty words have been spoken. And I think of the empty words spoken to me. 

I grew up in a broken family. I've known many guys. And I've gone through my share of friends. Needless to say, in my short 23 years on earth, empty words have not been lacking. I'm surrounded by them- because I speak them so often myself. What was it that Paul said? Something about how we can trust the fact that Jesus came to save sinners... "...of whom I am chief" (1 Timothy 1:15). yeah. that's me. just call me Chief. 

I don't think Jesus has been teaching me about empty words because He wants me to feel defeated though. He has something more for me, as always. The little nuggets of truth that He keeps bringing to mind or putting in my way continue to point me to Himself. Another Chief, if you will. Yet He is not Chief of words-empty or words-flat or words-useless or words-untrue. that's me. Christ...He is Chief of words-full. always. forevermore. no matter what. 

He spoke only words that were true. He always backed them up. And not only for people then but for people now; for chiefs like me. It's thousands of years later and His words are STILL FULL; still beaming and brimming with life and hope and promises.  

So when you're feeling disappointed because all you're hearing are empty words, there's a place to go. A person to know. a Chief. who never lets you down or speaks words of uncertainty. a Rock. unmovable. unshakable. alive. true. full. always. forevermore. no matter what. 

He knows my name

Transitioning from college to "the real world" is multi-faceted and weird and beautiful and scary all at the same time. One of the things I've noticed is how my last year of college I really felt at home. I knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew me. When you've been on the same mountain for 4 years people call out your name and you have to sit and think how in the world you know them. I loved being known and knowing other people and their names and their stories. Then I moved. 

I started over. Began a new phase of life. And I became surrounded with people who didn't know my name. I am daily called by the name of a previous teacher or the name of the one down the hall. You know how you associate someone with a certain title, like teacher, then they all become the same. Or even when the person you're dating keeps calling you the name of his ex. 

Well God has used my frustration in that area to teach me more about Himself (God is awesome like that...to trade my hurt and tears and uncertainty for more of Him). He has reminded me in the last few days that He knows my name. And not only does He know my name but He knows my heart. He remembers how many eyelashes I had the day I was born and He knows the pattern of wrinkles on my fingertips when I'm in the shower for too long. He knows what gives me chill bumps and what makes my heart beat fast. He is intimate and He knows me. 

And I am amazed He doesn't confuse me with other people. That's why my students and my boyfriend have a tough time calling me Miss Rogers or Jill. They associate me with someone else. I mean, God has got to know a lot of 20-something female teachers. There are countless 5' 9" brown hair athletic girls who like country music and going to the beach. I'm sure He has created quite a few people over the last thousands of years who have had the same desires I have- to make a difference and love people and have fun along the way. But yet He doesn't get me confused with them. He doesn't forget it's centuries later and it's actually Jill Rogers that He's supposed to be loving. He knows me amidst a billion people and pursues me and loves me. He showers me with Jill-tailored gifts each day to remind me that I am loved and cherished and valued and known. 

I am just so overwhelmed by that, so thankful that even on days when I am more often called the wrong name than the right name...I am still known. 

"Deeper than knowing God is being known by God. What defines us as Christians is not most profoundly that we have come to know him but that he took note of us and made us his own." -John Piper

"Along with adoption, being known by God arguably represents the most personal and comprehensive blessing of salvation."  - Dr. Brain Rosner

eucharisteo

"trust is the bridge from yesterday to tomorrow, built with thanks. gratitude lays out the planks of trust. i can walk the planks- from known to unknown- and know: He holds."

"the power of sin and death and fear-sent-from-the-enemy are forever ended because we can trust in the bridge even if it's caving, 

in God even when it's black, 

in manna-nourishment even when we don't know what it is."

[but again, i refuse to walk the bridge into tomorrow's unknowns. i shame the Bridge-Builder with my worries, my demand to just let me stay here, or go back, but no, not to go on. 
and again He comes to carry me flailing and anxious]

I am so in love with God and all He is teaching me through the book "One Thousand Gifts." The quotes above are just a glimpse of my notes from class with the Most High.

all my days are sure?

I found myself singing one of my favorite songs in the car the other day, Faithful God by Gateway Worship.

It starts out a little slow but the chorus is what makes it one of my favorites! As I was belting it out I was singing the part that says, "Faithful God, You hold my life secure and all my days are sure..." I sang that part over and over, thinking about how my future is completely in God's sovereign hands. I felt better knowing that 'all my days are sure.' Then I stopped. All my days are sure? 

Here is what the word 'sure' means- 'confident, certain beyond question, reliable, stable.' I didn't remember that ever being a promise of God. No where in the Bible does it say that my future is promised to be stable, or that I can even be certain I will have a future. In fact, it says the opposite. James 4:13-15 says in the Message: "And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills it and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.”

So I started the song over and realized that I had been singing it allllll wrong. Though I was only one word off, it made a world of difference. The correct words say,"Faithful God, You hold my life secure and all my days are YOURS." Wow. What a difference between my future being sure and my future being God's. If all my days were sure that would probably mean finding security by the world's standards: in a nice house, a fancy car, and a pretty baby to stay home with.  

But what I've learned in my adventures with God is that most times, I don't even know what tomorrow will bring. He's an upside down, backwards, counter-cultural, sovereign God. He likes to do things in a way so only He can get the glory. Very few things in life are sure with God because He's the only sure thing. He is my Confidant. One thing that I can be certain of beyond question. He is reliable and He is stable.

I'm glad I learned the correct words to that song. I'd trade a glamorous house, expensive car, and even a Gerber baby with an unsure future any day if that meant waking up sure of my God.

creation

I stood among hundreds of middle schoolers & high schoolers today and sang a familiar song. A song that proclaims the powerful nature of God, declaring Him to be "holy, holy, holy." This "Revelation Song" is deeply moving and I found myself excited as the praise band began to play. But halfway through the chorus something hit me. Like a freight train. 

"with all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings..."

There we stood. In uniforms, almost unmoving. Worried about what we're having for lunch and thinking of ways to keep ourselves awake. Our minds wherever we want them to be. Yet claiming to be on the same team as CREATION when it comes to praising God. Have you noticed "creation" lately?!?!?! 

Like the full moon tonight over Virginia. Or the blooming cherry blossoms down your street. The rich green grass and the budding trees. I hope hope hope that you have seen yellow daffodils and orange tulips that have stopped. you. in. your. tracks. I mean, most of this stuff is unreal. Breath-taking. Obviouslyyy making us stop to wonder about the Creator. Giving us small glimpses of how beautiful He really must be. 

Lynchburg people, think of all the sunset pictures you've seen on Instagram. I know some of you have posted them yourself! I know I have. They're marvelous. And usually we can find a good Bible verse to put as the caption or at least allude to the fact that God is fascinating because of given sunset.

Friends, do you understand that just like creation, people should see us and literally stop to marvel at our Creator? We should be stunning and breath-taking. Spitting images of the Original. 

Shew, we sure do have a lot to live up to...

plans formed long ago

Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You. I will praise Your name,

for you have accomplished wonders, 

plans formed long ago with perfect faithfulness.

Isaiah 25:1