As I go into my senior year of college, I am tempted by the people and environment around me to feel as though I need to find a man before I graduate. Here at Liberty, "ring before spring" is a common mantra and as freshmen arrive this week they are to be given Clayton and Charie King's new book "Twelve Questions to Ask Before You Marry." While I'm sure it is a great book and very helpful for those considering marriage, I believe it is a little ridiculous to hand one to each 18 year old along with their dorm room key.
I understand the urgency many people have to find the right guy while here at Liberty. Where else in the world will you get to be around thousands of Christian guys your age day in and day out?? It's like people who don't go here think it's this magical place of men who love Jesus and always hold the door open for you. While there are Christian guys here, and most do hold the door open, they are not much different than guys at other schools. Guys are guys wherever you are. And I know I'm being general, but we have to be real here. But trust me, I've met some great guys here. Selfless, funny, athletic, caring, Bible-knowing guys. I just haven't found the one for me.
So in the mean time, I'm reading this great book called "Sex and the Soul of a Women" by Paula Rinehart. It's one of the best books I've ever read. I'm reading it for the third time now and I'm still amazed by the words on the pages. It's the most insightful book about relationships and how they affect women. It's for married women and single girls. I'd recommend it for every female between the ages of 15 and 95. Really. Especially if you've never had anyone to talk to about sex and relationships. Sex was always one of those things that wasn't good to talk about. It's uncomfortable and it's bad, that's what I grew up thinking. But somewhere along the way, thank the Lord, I learned that it is holy and special because our Creator, the One who knows our deepest desires and wants, created it.
One of the reasons I'm majoring in Kinesiology is so I can be in a high school environment. I've had experiences and heard countless stories of the choices people make during those precious four years. I have a desire to plunge into the lives of teenagers and teach them about their bodies and how to stay healthy (physically, mentally, emotionally, academically, and socially). I believe that things people begin to do in high school quickly turn into habits created for the rest of their lives. Whether good or bad, what we do in high school tends to define us for years afterward. This book I'm reading alludes to that by explaining that most of our perceptions about sex and relationships begin at this stage, before most of us even know who we are and what we want: "Many of us give away something precious before we know what we have. No one in our lives alerts us to our vulnerability; no one values our sexuality enough to struggle for its protection. Or perhaps we do not allow ourselves to hear one who wants to help."
This book is also about the strength and respect women deserve, simply because those things are God-given rights. My favorite section of the book goes like this:
"One of the most confounding movements these days is our culture's push to convince women to deny their femaleness. A woman isn't supposed to feel anything. Not fear that her current relationship may not last. Not grief when it's over. Not a bit of tacky resentment when another woman comes into the picture. To feel something- to be hurt, betrayed, devastated- would be to admit that she had hopes and expectations at the outset. She should be able to walk away and expect nothing. The proof of our equality with men has become our ability to flat-line a broken heart."
"There is something tragic about women not being allowed to express the loss and betrayal they feel when a relationship is over. Wendy Shalit turns her guns on this insistence that a woman not feel anything about broken sexual relationships. 'All those bad feelings we are too enlightened to feel nowadays- such as resentment , jealousy, betrayal- also signify the capacity to lose yourself in the first place, to fall in love with someone other than yourself. They presuppose that there is a soul to protect, that there are hopes to be shattered, a lost love to guard, even if now only mentally and futilely. No hard feelings? I'm advocating a return to precisely that: hard feelings. At least then you know you're a person, that you have a heart.'"
Relationships is a hot topic amongst my single friends and many people have told us that our expectations are too high. We haven't found the right guys for us because they don't exist. And I admit that some days I've gone to bed believing that. But this book assures me that these guys do exist, if only we are strong enough to expect the best from them. So here's to you: to the girl who's given it all away, to the girl who's never known what it's like to be loved, to the woman who's scared to open up; here's to the hopeless and the used. Here's to the college student who thinks she has to give herself up to be accepted and here's to the girlfriend who's overlooked. Here's to the woman who has fought to protect her innocence and to the girl who's spent years waiting for the right one. If I've learned one thing from this book it's this:
"You are meant to be loved and valued and cherished for the rest of your life by a man whose face lights up when he sees you."
No comments:
Post a Comment