lost in this moment with You

I've had a summer filled with moments. Not just any moments though. Let's be honest, I left mundane moments in the dust awhile ago (praise Jesus!). The moments that make up my summer are ones that fill my soul with inexpressible joy. They are moments that make me laugh until my stomach aches. Moments that go deep into my being and leave me changed for good. There's just one problem...I can't pinpoint any of these moments.


Like the moment I realized that moving to Maui could be a reality. Or the moment when my heart became so entangled with each person on our summer team. I wish I could remember the moments I came to know Jesus in deeper ways or the moment when I fell so deeply in love with Him. That moment when I realized that one of my best friends at camp was Lottie, an 8th grade girl who most people don't understand. Or the moment that the high school guys on my team became my strong pillars. I so wish I could take you to the place I became fearless and decided I would jump off every cliff I could in Maui. But I can't. I can't remember when or where all of the previous things happened. I can tell you stories about the effects of those moments and recount lots of memories. But the very time & place that these things happened in my heart is so blurry.


As I was thinking about this today I realized that the fact that I can't pinpoint these moments is actually a good thing. Otherwise I would spend the rest of my life trying to recreate them. If I knew that the moment I realized I could move to Maui was on a beach at Paia Bay with campers or at Anthony's drinking coffee then I'd idolize those places. If I knew that the CYMOH team became so dear to me when we prayed together and interlocked fingers I would lay in bed at night and so badly wish that I could be back in that moment. If I knew that Isaac, Cole, & Colby became some of my favorite guys when we were having a conversation about relationships over chicken patties at lunch I would spend countless hours wanting to drive back to West Virginia and take those boys to lunch. 


So because I can't remember the exact moments, I am forced to the one thing I am certain of in each moment. JESUS. I may not remember when I fell in love with Maui but I am certain that He is the one who fueled that passion inside of me. I may not know exactly when Lottie and I became best friends but I am confident that He planned our first conversation on the porch of Cabin 1. Realizing all of this makes me think back to the Tower of Babel. The story is told in the beginning of chapter 11 of Genesis and explains that the people of the earth decided to build a tower to the sky. God knew that it would just make them prideful and how it'd be a shame for humans to steal God's glory. So He saved them from further embarrassment and decided to disperse them throughout the world and give them all different languages (personally, I think that was a pretty cool idea). In the same way, I think if I could remember all these moments I'd take the credit from God. So He's just saving me from myself. And in return, giving me Himself. I'll take that switch any day. Cause I'm realizing that the moments that make up my adventurous life are ones He planned before I was born. & He's given them to me not for me, but for His glory.

So instead of writing post after post about specific things this summer, I guess I'm summing it all up into this one entry. I am telling you that Jesus has taken hold of my life. He is using moment after moment with countless people all over the world to show me more of Himself. & I will be one satisfied girl if I get to the end of my life and all I have left are moments filled with Jesus. 

Flipped upside down

"I know it sounds goofy, but I want to be like that Jeep. I want to leak from having been hit by Jesus. From having something crazy happen to me, something that flipped my life upside down. I've met people like that, people who leak Jesus. Whenever you're around them, Jesus keeps coming up with words and with actions. I don't suppose everybody gets hit by Jesus, but those of us who have talk about Him differently. We start steering funny; we start leaking where we stand. And it's because we got thrown from our lives in a terrific collision."

This is an excerpt from the book I just finished reading, Love Does (the book I mentioned in an earlier post about changing my life). I finally finished it yesterday while watching people get slammed by waves at Makenna Beach on Maui. I like this chapter because it talks about what it's like to know Jesus. Many people think they can call themselves Christians and pretend to know Jesus while they live the same lives as people who don't know Him. But like this chapter in the book explains, He flips our lives UPSIDE DOWN. It's radical. It's crazy. It means we do the opposite of what we think we should do (like love those who are mean to us and give not money or clothes but our very lives). 

I want to live an upside down life like Jesus did. I want to cause controversy and do things that other people think are reckless and crazy. Which is why I hopped on a plane last week and flew to Maui to surprise some of my favorite people. It didn't make a lot of sense for me to come...I got a job I was loving and spending time with some good friends. Coming here was a lot of money and time that I wasn't sure I had to give. But following Jesus involves getting up and going. While Jesus was ministering, He was always on the move...talking, loving, healing, preaching. And I felt it was time to get up and go, go back to a place I left my heart last summer. So even though it doesn't make sense to a lot of people or even to me sometimes, I know that I am here for such a time as this. And even though it isn't all cheese and rice...I know I am supposed to be here. 

So pray with me? Pray for this island. Pray for the children we have at our camps. Pray we give ourselves up like Jesus did for us. I'm hoping in these next few days I will be so tired and exhausted at night because I gave everything I have. I want Jesus to be famous. I want to show these youth that only in the presence of Jesus will they be made whole. And if they'll let Him, He'll come in and flip their lives upside down so they leak Him wherever they go.

I have a video of surprising the team...I've been trying for dayyyyys to upload it but the internet must not be good enough. So I cannot wait to get home and show you all! I'll be able to explain more about the surprise and my time here later, now we're just so busy. But feel free to call me or text me or message me on facebook if you have any questions or comments. Our team always loves encouragement from the mainland:)

Lessons from the treadwall

One of my favorite parts of my job is helping the kids climb the treadwall. It's basically a rock wall that moves like a lateral treadmill. My job is to stand on the side and turn the knob to faster or slower. The kids love it and some won't come off until I have to pull them off myself. One of the reasons they love it though is because I can make it go really really fast or I can slow it down. Today, I found myself repeating the same words over and over to each kid though. Most of them step on and look at me saying, "It's not moving! Why isn't this working?" I have to explain to them that I can't start the wall moving until they start climbing. So I just look at them and say, "Just keep climbing." I had to tell almost every child that today...that in order for me to do my job and make the wall move for them, they are the ones who have to keep climbing. 

At some point during my time at the treadwall today, I realized that the whole situation is so similar to my own life. My treadwall is life though, a daring adventure that's exciting and fun. I step on, ready for the challenge, and I look at God and say, "Why aren't You working? Aren't you supposed to tell me what to do and where to go? Get moving God!" It's like I sit there at the bottom and wait for God to make decisions for me and open up the skies and write on the wall. But lately I've been hearing Him whisper,"Jill, just keep climbing." Hopefully I'll catch on, one step at a time, so He doesn't have to repeat it over and over. 

big DREAMS

PHASE 1: seeing happy little families live for Jesus and wanting that for myself. 

Sometimes I get a little upset that God has put a desire in my heart to do big, unreasonable things for Him. The American dream seems so easy and fun. Wouldn't it be acceptable to live that kind of life for Christ? I mean, I'd go to church every Sunday and impact others in whatever job I had. I could marry a man who has a basic understand of His Word; enough to know that he should cherish me and lead our relationship. I could raise a cute little family, send them to a Christian school, go to all their sporting events, etc. I actually know lots of people who are doing that, and they're so good at it. Their lives are honoring to the Lord and it's a beautiful thing. So why in the world does my heart long for something more? 

PHASE 2: Learning that love does.

I started reading a book this week that I knew would change my life. I was so excited to buy it then I was actually apprehensive to start it because I knew it would ignite those dreams of mine again. I would read a chapter then set it down, not wanting to keep reading. But that heart of mine (& the Holy Spirit) kept pushing me to turn the pages, begging for me to take hold of my dreams and make them come to life. The introduction actually said that the author of the book was known for wrecking your American dream and helping you find your actual dream. Ok, God, I get it. The book is entitled Love Does and it is written by an eclectic west coast lawyer who never settled for the American dream. I'd love to explain the book to you but I just wouldn't even know where to begin. I've actually only made it through the ninth chapter (out of 31) and I'm already compelled to write this post...if that tells you anything of how much I've learned already. Let's suffice it to say that you should buy it, read it, take notes on it, embrace it, then change because of it. 

PHASE 3: Understanding that I have no choice.  

Yesterday I went to a church where the pastor was starting a new series on the book of Romans. He started out in the the first verse of the first chapter explaining what Paul meant when he said he was a bondservant, or slave, of Christ Jesus. The pastor explained it like this: a slave by definition is someone who is wholly subject to another, being forced to do something and having no choice to do otherwise. I realized that in the same way, I am subject to Christ and I must do what He wants me to do. Because He chose me and changed me, I am His servant and I cannot quit doing what He has for me. To chose to lay aside the dreams He has placed in my heart would not only mean leaving Christ behind, but it would also mean losing myself. And when I doubt if it's the right thing to do, I am reminded that as long as His name and His renown are the desires of my soul (Isaiah 26:8), He'll honor my decisions. In his book, Bob Goff reminded me that "maybe when we want to do something that is right and good, God places that desire deep in our hearts because He wants it for us and it honors Him."

Practically, I'm not sure what this looks like in my immediate future. I know that I wanna love big and save lives and use my relationships to show the world a little of what Jesus loving me is like. I'll be student teaching come August, but come December the world will be at my fingertips. I'm realizing that I'm not scared to go far, start big, or even fail a few times along the way. I am confident that my heart longs, and even aches, to fail at His dreams for me rather than to succeed at the ones I dreamed for myself.

I will go forward alone with my God, leaving all else behind. I will not lose sight of my dreams or of my Savior, because if I lose sight of my Savior, I will, in turn, lose myself. 

like a sponge

i'm soaking it all in.
Graduation is a short 25 days away and I was overwhelmed today by the inevitable...i'm gonna miss this place. So much so, Erin and I stayed after class sorting through boxes and boxes of PE equipment and taking orders from Dr. Farver...willingly! As bad as my head hurt from that polyurethane on the new floor and as hungry as I was from not eating lunch, we stayed until almost every box was emptied and flattened. And I hope I never forget it. The excitement of a new gym to teach in, the things we learned about what NOT to do when designing a new facility, the way Dr. Farver taught me how to tie a slip knot in all the drawstring bags, & the funny looks we gave each other when we couldn't even figure out what a lot of the equipment was supposed to be.

I have the best major. Most people think it's a joke. But the fact that obesity is an epidemic in our country is not a joke. The statistics saying that 1 in 3 girls will become pregnant before age 20 is not a joke. Teaching health and physical education to students is my passion, and I'm thankful for professors who have fueled that passion. I'm graduating from Liberty University in 25 days not just with a diploma, but with a family. People who were strangers 3 short years ago have become so precious to me.

So in the next few weeks if you see me out in the courtyard just staring off into space or sitting in "Schilling TWO" not doing a thing or taking pictures of random stuff on campus, don't worry...I'm just soaking it all in.

faith

I've been learning so much about faith recently. It's not a new concept to me, but I think I've only come to understand more of what it means in the last month or so. And let me tell you what, it's HARD. When I used to think of the word 'faith' i would picture it on a garden stone with flowers & butterflies, so sweet and innocent...something like the picture.

 But when I think about it now I envision something like the Criminal Minds episode where a bomb is strapped to a guy and he's just sitting there, sweating profusely, waiting as the seconds tick by, and Gideon has to choose at the last second whether to cut the blue or red cord. I only see that now because I've had a few...& continue to have...moments when I feel like the guy in the chair, nervous as all get out, most likely crying (cause i'm a girl & i'm emotional), afraid that my world is gonna blow up right in my face. But faith is having the confidence that God has a plan all along, whether the bomb goes off or not. And He doesn't even have to guess what to do next. He had it planned long before I even feel the bomb strapped onto me. 

*Faith is not just sitting, frozen in the chair, waiting though. It's helping the bomb squad figure out the right combination and asking for someone to call your boss and tell him you'll be a little late to work. God doesn't work on behalf of quitters, He works alongside those who won't quit...showing up in His own perfect timing.

I heard a couple weeks ago that faith is putting God in every fill-in-the-blank. In the margins of where I was taking notes I realized how true that was. This is what i wrote:

in a year from now, my...

home:____________________

lover:______________________

job:________________________

desires:______________________

I can't fill in any of the blanks. As a matter of fact, my top 3 choices would probably all end up being wrong. But He is all of those. I've heard home is where the heart is, so whenever I'm close with Him my heart will feel at home. He is my faithful lover, the only person who'll perfectly love me for my whole life. Whatever job I have, I'll do it for Him. And my heart will always desire more of Him. He knows all the other minor details. So in the mean time, I'm satisfied with just putting Him in all my blanks, having confidence that He'll come through whenever He wants. After all, I would hate for my life to be like the garden stone. I'd much rather my life resemble the adrenaline-releasing, potential explosiveness of bombs.

Maui on my mind

I've been thinking a lot lately about the whole reason I started this blog. And it's because of an island thousands of miles away. I started this to share my journey with you. And it's changed my life.

My heart has been stuck on that small island and the people who live there. So I thought I'd take some time to remind you (and me) about my trip and all that God taught me then and continues to teach me...

But how can people call for help if they don't know who to trust? And how can they know who to trust if they haven't heard of the One who can be trusted? And how can they hear if nobody tells them? And how is anyone going to tell them, unless someone is sent to do it? That's why Scripture exclaims, 

   A sight to take your breath away! 
   Grand processions of people 
      telling all the good things of God!

Romans 10:14&15

there IS such a thing as a moonbow!!

But we must always remember that there is no such thing as moonlight. It's just the Sun reflecting off the Moon. Louie Giglio explains this in his amazing book "Indescribable:"

"Just as the Sun shines at night when the Moon is in the right place, God shines in the darkness when we are in the right place. When we are in full view of Jesus, His love, grace, goodness, and power directly impact us. In that place, in the brightness of His presence, His light will reflect off us so others can see, no matter how dark the night. It's amazing to think that, simply by our proximity to Jesus, we can bring hope and life to people and places trapped in discouragement and despair."

God's still in the business of changing lives. 

Our team didn't come together until we shared our testimonies. Not til we disclosed our weaknesses did we really bond. And how hard it is to be vulnerable. But here is Maggie, sharing her testimony (in front of a lot of people!). Not because she is good or perfect, but because He changed her. 

And in Revelation 12 John is explaining what he saw and it is exclaimed in verse 11 that the Devil is overcome . He is overcome because the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony. Everyone has a story to tell and if He has changed you, there is power in your story. Don't ever stop telling it!

His plan is perfect. 

We were brought together for such a time as this.

7 people. 

We don't always understand why or how. 

But His plan is greater & bigger than we could ever imagine.

So don't take the people in your life for granted.

Learn from them & love them.

We're not supposed to do life alone.

And the most important thing is...we are not finished. This is just the beginning. And maybe, just maybe, revival is closer than we think.