He knows my name

Transitioning from college to "the real world" is multi-faceted and weird and beautiful and scary all at the same time. One of the things I've noticed is how my last year of college I really felt at home. I knew a lot of people and a lot of people knew me. When you've been on the same mountain for 4 years people call out your name and you have to sit and think how in the world you know them. I loved being known and knowing other people and their names and their stories. Then I moved. 

I started over. Began a new phase of life. And I became surrounded with people who didn't know my name. I am daily called by the name of a previous teacher or the name of the one down the hall. You know how you associate someone with a certain title, like teacher, then they all become the same. Or even when the person you're dating keeps calling you the name of his ex. 

Well God has used my frustration in that area to teach me more about Himself (God is awesome like that...to trade my hurt and tears and uncertainty for more of Him). He has reminded me in the last few days that He knows my name. And not only does He know my name but He knows my heart. He remembers how many eyelashes I had the day I was born and He knows the pattern of wrinkles on my fingertips when I'm in the shower for too long. He knows what gives me chill bumps and what makes my heart beat fast. He is intimate and He knows me. 

And I am amazed He doesn't confuse me with other people. That's why my students and my boyfriend have a tough time calling me Miss Rogers or Jill. They associate me with someone else. I mean, God has got to know a lot of 20-something female teachers. There are countless 5' 9" brown hair athletic girls who like country music and going to the beach. I'm sure He has created quite a few people over the last thousands of years who have had the same desires I have- to make a difference and love people and have fun along the way. But yet He doesn't get me confused with them. He doesn't forget it's centuries later and it's actually Jill Rogers that He's supposed to be loving. He knows me amidst a billion people and pursues me and loves me. He showers me with Jill-tailored gifts each day to remind me that I am loved and cherished and valued and known. 

I am just so overwhelmed by that, so thankful that even on days when I am more often called the wrong name than the right name...I am still known. 

"Deeper than knowing God is being known by God. What defines us as Christians is not most profoundly that we have come to know him but that he took note of us and made us his own." -John Piper

"Along with adoption, being known by God arguably represents the most personal and comprehensive blessing of salvation."  - Dr. Brain Rosner

eucharisteo

"trust is the bridge from yesterday to tomorrow, built with thanks. gratitude lays out the planks of trust. i can walk the planks- from known to unknown- and know: He holds."

"the power of sin and death and fear-sent-from-the-enemy are forever ended because we can trust in the bridge even if it's caving, 

in God even when it's black, 

in manna-nourishment even when we don't know what it is."

[but again, i refuse to walk the bridge into tomorrow's unknowns. i shame the Bridge-Builder with my worries, my demand to just let me stay here, or go back, but no, not to go on. 
and again He comes to carry me flailing and anxious]

I am so in love with God and all He is teaching me through the book "One Thousand Gifts." The quotes above are just a glimpse of my notes from class with the Most High.

all my days are sure?

I found myself singing one of my favorite songs in the car the other day, Faithful God by Gateway Worship.

It starts out a little slow but the chorus is what makes it one of my favorites! As I was belting it out I was singing the part that says, "Faithful God, You hold my life secure and all my days are sure..." I sang that part over and over, thinking about how my future is completely in God's sovereign hands. I felt better knowing that 'all my days are sure.' Then I stopped. All my days are sure? 

Here is what the word 'sure' means- 'confident, certain beyond question, reliable, stable.' I didn't remember that ever being a promise of God. No where in the Bible does it say that my future is promised to be stable, or that I can even be certain I will have a future. In fact, it says the opposite. James 4:13-15 says in the Message: "And now I have a word for you who brashly announce, “Today—at the latest, tomorrow—we’re off to such and such a city for the year. We’re going to start a business and make a lot of money.” You don’t know the first thing about tomorrow. You’re nothing but a wisp of fog, catching a brief bit of sun before disappearing. Instead, make it a habit to say, “If the Master wills it and we’re still alive, we’ll do this or that.”

So I started the song over and realized that I had been singing it allllll wrong. Though I was only one word off, it made a world of difference. The correct words say,"Faithful God, You hold my life secure and all my days are YOURS." Wow. What a difference between my future being sure and my future being God's. If all my days were sure that would probably mean finding security by the world's standards: in a nice house, a fancy car, and a pretty baby to stay home with.  

But what I've learned in my adventures with God is that most times, I don't even know what tomorrow will bring. He's an upside down, backwards, counter-cultural, sovereign God. He likes to do things in a way so only He can get the glory. Very few things in life are sure with God because He's the only sure thing. He is my Confidant. One thing that I can be certain of beyond question. He is reliable and He is stable.

I'm glad I learned the correct words to that song. I'd trade a glamorous house, expensive car, and even a Gerber baby with an unsure future any day if that meant waking up sure of my God.

creation

I stood among hundreds of middle schoolers & high schoolers today and sang a familiar song. A song that proclaims the powerful nature of God, declaring Him to be "holy, holy, holy." This "Revelation Song" is deeply moving and I found myself excited as the praise band began to play. But halfway through the chorus something hit me. Like a freight train. 

"with all creation I sing, praise to the King of Kings..."

There we stood. In uniforms, almost unmoving. Worried about what we're having for lunch and thinking of ways to keep ourselves awake. Our minds wherever we want them to be. Yet claiming to be on the same team as CREATION when it comes to praising God. Have you noticed "creation" lately?!?!?! 

Like the full moon tonight over Virginia. Or the blooming cherry blossoms down your street. The rich green grass and the budding trees. I hope hope hope that you have seen yellow daffodils and orange tulips that have stopped. you. in. your. tracks. I mean, most of this stuff is unreal. Breath-taking. Obviouslyyy making us stop to wonder about the Creator. Giving us small glimpses of how beautiful He really must be. 

Lynchburg people, think of all the sunset pictures you've seen on Instagram. I know some of you have posted them yourself! I know I have. They're marvelous. And usually we can find a good Bible verse to put as the caption or at least allude to the fact that God is fascinating because of given sunset.

Friends, do you understand that just like creation, people should see us and literally stop to marvel at our Creator? We should be stunning and breath-taking. Spitting images of the Original. 

Shew, we sure do have a lot to live up to...

plans formed long ago

Lord, You are my God; I will exalt You. I will praise Your name,

for you have accomplished wonders, 

plans formed long ago with perfect faithfulness.

Isaiah 25:1

God might not be enough.

I sat at church tonight face to face with a scary realization. I don't know if God is enough for me. It's easy to say that He is. If anybody would ask me if I thought He was enough I would give a big hearty 'yes' without any hesitation. Of course He's enough, He's GOD. I know that I'm not sure He's enough for me because of the way I've been living. 

I've graduated from college. 
I'm living at home. 
And I'm a substitute teacher every once in awhile.
 I'm in this transition season of life and I don't like it. I don't like it one bit. On days I substitute, I love it. I love LCA, mainly because I love the kids. And of course my PE friends. But on the days I don't go there, I'm depressed. I stay in my room, leaving only to make coffee and eat a banana. I read; I sleep. And I'm not happy. I want to teach PE. I want to teach anything. I want to inspire kids and laugh with them through high school. I want to coach. I want to talk to kids about Lance Armstrong and teach them the thousands of morals that come from his story about sports and winning and lying and cheating. I want a job that requires me to wake up early and come home tired. 

But I don't have any of that. So I'm sad. Why? Because God is not enough for me. And that breaks my heart. He's opening my eyes to see that even though I don't have any of those things what I do have is unlimited time to sit alone with Him. 

I can see now that the Lord, in His goodness, has prepared these days for me. I need to understand that He truly is enough. Because to know that Jesus is enough is to know Jesus. I've previously testified to and declared it because I've known it to be true. But now it's time for me to know it on a deeper level. 

 So even though I have no job, no independence, no man pursuing me, no credit, no five year plan...I have Jesus. & the hope that He could be enough.